THE BACKPACKER - DAY 4
Camp 3, approx 18km from Camp 2, Somewhere in Northern Thailand
I feel justified in my lack of trust of Matt. He knew I was dog-tired last night. He saw me crash out fully-clothed into my hammock and he didn’t pull the mosquito net over me. Thanks to him I now have a face like a pizza. “ I thought you was gonna get up again.” Yeah, right. I head for the yellow jelly.
Over breakfast, Maria gives me a pained smile. Morag does nothing to endear herself to me “Hey youse, ye ken who this is, dain't ye? It’s the elephant man!” she brays. One presumes she is alluding to my mozzy bites. Matt and Phil smirk in tandem. Thijs acknowledges my state benignly - as befits a man of his intellect (or continuing concussion).
It's four days into the trek now and I am beginning to feel an antipathy towards certain members of the group. I have already identified those who must be traded to save the remainders' lives should we be attacked by cannibals and the proposal put to us.
The day’s trek goes well. We make good progress. The vegetation starts to thin out and the ground underfoot becomes easier to negotiate. As a result, the group’s spirits are high and we start singing together as we walk. Strangely, it is Thijs who leads off the community singing, with – not surprisingly – a U2 song: Angel of Harlem. Morag – not surprisingly – does a Proclaimers song: 500 Miles – which I must confess she was excellent at - mainly because she looks like them. Phil sings Reach for the Stars by S-Club 7 and rather disturbingly performs the accompanying dance routine. Maria – not surprisingly – sang an ABBA song: Thank You for the Music, which went down well in an unimaginative way. I gave my all singing the old Frank Sinatra standard: New York, New York. I was wonderful. There was a real sense of togetherness. It took Matt to kill the mood by singing Blue is the Colour – apparently some Chelsea supporters song. You can understand why people on the continent think we are divs.
I got chatting to Phil. He’s a tall, rangey kind of bloke with a shaven head. For the first time I notice he has a facial tic. It looks like he’s about to break into a smile every couple of minutes or so and then doesn’t. It’s quite disconcerting because you’ve got to stop yourself from joining in. Anyway, we were having this conversation and quite out of the blue he tells me he’s bisexual. And we were talking about motors up till then. Where do you go from there? I just cleared my throat, said that was nice, then started to take some photographs of the scenery.
After lunch of crackers, chickpea paste and chocolate, we reach the top of the mountain and find that it is actually a huge plateau. Then we take in the view beneath us. It is quite unbelievable – principally due to the fact that we are nowhere near as high up as we thought we were. In fact, it’s not a mountain we’ve been climbing – it’s just a hill. Hy and Lo open a bottle of some weird champagne-like stuff to celebrate as if we have just climbed Annapurna. I can’t buy in to the celebration and sit down and sulk at the contrivance. As I look around I’m delighted to find that the rest of the group are equally bemused. Morag comes and sits down beside me “Fuckin’ keech, eh? Ken, ma street’s oan a bigger hill than this.” I barely understand her but I recognise the sentiment.
Hy and Lo’s mock celebrations are cut short by the sound of a wild animal's roar coming from the nearby undergrowth. They bark at us to get behind them as they reach for their rifles, which for some strange reason I take cognizance of for the first time. As we huddle behind them, the roar goes up again. "Tiger! Tiger!" Lo shouts. We all duck down – well known avoidance tactics when dealing with fierce wild animals i.e. if you don’t look at it, it won’t see you. Not. Hy and Lo fire off a couple of shots in the direction of the roar. We all stand up then there’s another roar and we all squat down again. Then, quite unbelievably, Matt parts from the group and charges into the undergrowth towards the sound. Seconds later he appears and we spontaneously laugh and cheer his return – even Hy and Lo. Morag articulates our individual thoughts perfectly “Yer a mad bastard, Matt!” Matt takes the acclaim then utters “Well, you can’t be too frightened of a mobile phone!” he says gleefully holding one aloft and pressing it so we can hear the ringtone of a 'tiger roar'. “Har! Har! Har! You should ‘ave seen your faces” he says, grinning. The prank just didn’t translate to Hy and he raises his rifle towards Matt’s head. Only the timely intervention of Lo, with presumably some Thai advice on anger management, allows Matt more time on the planet. Thijs approaches Matt “No more tricks Matt or I shall have to kill you.” he says rather matter-of-factly. The atmosphere is decidedly icy. As if to dissipate it, Maria gives us all a hug and says we should move on before it gets dark.
We walk on silently, each reflecting on the serious turn of events of the day. However the silence is soon broken by the sound of farting, then ten seconds later more farting, and then again. Without speaking, Matt holds his mobile phone aloft. I can see his shoulders shake with merriment. Roll on nightfall.
I feel justified in my lack of trust of Matt. He knew I was dog-tired last night. He saw me crash out fully-clothed into my hammock and he didn’t pull the mosquito net over me. Thanks to him I now have a face like a pizza. “ I thought you was gonna get up again.” Yeah, right. I head for the yellow jelly.
Over breakfast, Maria gives me a pained smile. Morag does nothing to endear herself to me “Hey youse, ye ken who this is, dain't ye? It’s the elephant man!” she brays. One presumes she is alluding to my mozzy bites. Matt and Phil smirk in tandem. Thijs acknowledges my state benignly - as befits a man of his intellect (or continuing concussion).
It's four days into the trek now and I am beginning to feel an antipathy towards certain members of the group. I have already identified those who must be traded to save the remainders' lives should we be attacked by cannibals and the proposal put to us.
The day’s trek goes well. We make good progress. The vegetation starts to thin out and the ground underfoot becomes easier to negotiate. As a result, the group’s spirits are high and we start singing together as we walk. Strangely, it is Thijs who leads off the community singing, with – not surprisingly – a U2 song: Angel of Harlem. Morag – not surprisingly – does a Proclaimers song: 500 Miles – which I must confess she was excellent at - mainly because she looks like them. Phil sings Reach for the Stars by S-Club 7 and rather disturbingly performs the accompanying dance routine. Maria – not surprisingly – sang an ABBA song: Thank You for the Music, which went down well in an unimaginative way. I gave my all singing the old Frank Sinatra standard: New York, New York. I was wonderful. There was a real sense of togetherness. It took Matt to kill the mood by singing Blue is the Colour – apparently some Chelsea supporters song. You can understand why people on the continent think we are divs.
I got chatting to Phil. He’s a tall, rangey kind of bloke with a shaven head. For the first time I notice he has a facial tic. It looks like he’s about to break into a smile every couple of minutes or so and then doesn’t. It’s quite disconcerting because you’ve got to stop yourself from joining in. Anyway, we were having this conversation and quite out of the blue he tells me he’s bisexual. And we were talking about motors up till then. Where do you go from there? I just cleared my throat, said that was nice, then started to take some photographs of the scenery.
After lunch of crackers, chickpea paste and chocolate, we reach the top of the mountain and find that it is actually a huge plateau. Then we take in the view beneath us. It is quite unbelievable – principally due to the fact that we are nowhere near as high up as we thought we were. In fact, it’s not a mountain we’ve been climbing – it’s just a hill. Hy and Lo open a bottle of some weird champagne-like stuff to celebrate as if we have just climbed Annapurna. I can’t buy in to the celebration and sit down and sulk at the contrivance. As I look around I’m delighted to find that the rest of the group are equally bemused. Morag comes and sits down beside me “Fuckin’ keech, eh? Ken, ma street’s oan a bigger hill than this.” I barely understand her but I recognise the sentiment.
Hy and Lo’s mock celebrations are cut short by the sound of a wild animal's roar coming from the nearby undergrowth. They bark at us to get behind them as they reach for their rifles, which for some strange reason I take cognizance of for the first time. As we huddle behind them, the roar goes up again. "Tiger! Tiger!" Lo shouts. We all duck down – well known avoidance tactics when dealing with fierce wild animals i.e. if you don’t look at it, it won’t see you. Not. Hy and Lo fire off a couple of shots in the direction of the roar. We all stand up then there’s another roar and we all squat down again. Then, quite unbelievably, Matt parts from the group and charges into the undergrowth towards the sound. Seconds later he appears and we spontaneously laugh and cheer his return – even Hy and Lo. Morag articulates our individual thoughts perfectly “Yer a mad bastard, Matt!” Matt takes the acclaim then utters “Well, you can’t be too frightened of a mobile phone!” he says gleefully holding one aloft and pressing it so we can hear the ringtone of a 'tiger roar'. “Har! Har! Har! You should ‘ave seen your faces” he says, grinning. The prank just didn’t translate to Hy and he raises his rifle towards Matt’s head. Only the timely intervention of Lo, with presumably some Thai advice on anger management, allows Matt more time on the planet. Thijs approaches Matt “No more tricks Matt or I shall have to kill you.” he says rather matter-of-factly. The atmosphere is decidedly icy. As if to dissipate it, Maria gives us all a hug and says we should move on before it gets dark.
We walk on silently, each reflecting on the serious turn of events of the day. However the silence is soon broken by the sound of farting, then ten seconds later more farting, and then again. Without speaking, Matt holds his mobile phone aloft. I can see his shoulders shake with merriment. Roll on nightfall.
posted by wardperfect at 3:00 am
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